She should have known
by Toptoffee
Summary: Starbuck's reaction to discovering Lee is a cylon. The story is followed up by a separate fic, He should have known, which deals with Lee's POV.


PART 1

She should have known.

It was the all Kara could tell herself during those first moments. The same thought taunting her incessantly. She should have known.

In the brig sat the man she loved. The man she had made love to. The one man she needed by her side to survive in this frakked up universe. But he was not a man. He was a cylon. A thing. A toaster. However much she resisted the possibility, she knew there could be no doubt. Because in front of her, hidden behind the sick bay curtain, there lay an identical copy. Another Lee Adama, screaming his innocence, screaming that he was human, and, above all, screaming for Kara to help him.

But Kara did not move.

She was not alone. Commander Adama had entered the hospital wing. He stood behind Kara, hands clutching her shoulders as if she were the only thing that kept him from falling. She could feel his chest heave as he fought to hold back the tears in his eyes. Yet Kara could not look at him. To see those eyes, to recognize their pain, would mean admitting that all this was really happening. And Kara could not do that. Not yet. Instead, she stared at the floor as her helplessness overwhelmed her.

It wasn't a condition that she was used to. After all, Kara Thrace knew how to do two things better than anyone else on the Battlestar: she knew how to fight and she knew how to run. But for now all she could do was stand still.

The screams subsided as Dr Cottle's sedative took hold. Kara felt the Commander shift behind her. Perhaps he had waited for the patient to silence before confronting what lay before him. With a heavy sigh, he moved away from the lieutenant , towards the hospital bed. As he went to open the curtain, he turned to Kara, eyes beckoning her to join him so that they could face it together. Like a family.

But Kara Thrace knew how to do two things better than anyone else on the Battlestar. And this time she ran.

PART 2

Kara found no peace in her rack. Lying there, she could not evade the memories of Lee beside her, of Lee inside her. If she closed her eyes she could still feel his touch on her skin and the heat that radiated from his body. She felt his teasing whispers playing against her ear and the tickle of warm breath that sent jolts of desire between her thighs. She remembered all those hot, furious times when they didn't even make it as far as the rack. And she squeezed her eyes shut with pain as she remembered all those gentle, lingering moments when she prayed that she might hold him inside her forever.

When she could bear these thoughts no longer, Kara rose to find another hiding place on the ship, one where she could avoid her crew mates, and above all avoid the memories of Lee that besieged her. But it was impossible. Somehow, during the short time that Lee had spent on Galactica, his presence had permeated every corner of the vessel. Lee was everywhere. Kara shook her head in disgust. No, not Lee, she reminded herself furiously, there was no Lee. There was only a cylon.

She found herself on the flight deck. The presence of flying machines had always soothed her and, without thinking, she climbed into the cockpit of the nearest viper awaiting repairs and closed the canopy to shut out the rest of the world. And then, finally, she began to cry.

Kara never found out how long she had stayed in that cockpit that night. When her tears had exhausted her, she had drifted into an uneasy sleep, disturbed by nightmarish images of Lee's body being sucked into outer space, whispering that he loved her as the vacuum pulled him into oblivion. Commander Adama was the first to find her, gently opening the cockpit hatch and stroking her hair.

"Kara," the Commander whispered, "wake up. We need to talk. Let's go to my quarters."

Kara looked up, eyes frightened like a lost child, and shook her head. "Please, can we talk here?" she asked softly. "Let's just get this over with. Don't make me wait any longer than I have to."

The Commander smiled, which confused Kara, and took her left hand and squeezed it tightly, his eyes lingering on the engagement ring she wore there.

"I have some good news," he told her, the smile reflecting in his voice. "Although the imposter in the brig is a cylon, the man in sick bay isn't. It's Lee. It's my son." His voice broke slightly at those last words. "Dr. Baltar just came back with the results. I thought you'd want to know immediately."

"Oh, thank the Gods!" Kara exclaimed. Relief flooded her as her chest heaved in an effort to hold back the tears. Lee was alive. He was safe. And he was home again from whatever terrible place they had kept him. She would go to him now and nurse him better. She would make him healthy and whole once more. He would still be hers. And everything would be alright again.

"How is he, Commander?" she asked. "Can I go and see him now?"

"He's going to be okay," the Commander assured, still stroking her hair out of her eyes. "He's lost a lot of weight and obviously put up one hell of a fight when they took him judging by his injuries. They've kept him under a heavy sedation for some time as well, but the doc says that won't cause any lasting damage. Apparently he was found by a guard on the Astral Queen in one of their storage rooms. We've started a full investigation to find out what the hell happened. Judging by the amount of weight loss and the way his wounds have healed, it looks like …"

The Commander stopped suddenly and flashed a look of concern at his pilot.

"It looks like what, Commander?" Kara asked in a small voice.

The Commander let out a deep sigh and squeezed Kara's hand once more as he looked concernedly at her. "Kara, it looks like he's been imprisoned for over 3 months."

Three months. Kara looked down at her hand that the Commander still held, at Lee's ring that sat on her finger. He'd only proposed to her a week ago. And no-one had been more surprised at the proposal than Kara. After all, they'd not even been going out three months yet.

A wave of nausea hit her. "I should have known." It seemed Kara was speaking to herself now rather than her Commander as she started to rock backwards and forwards in the pilot's seat. "I should have known." It wasn't Lee that had loved her, he never had. It was the story of her life, as soon as something seemed perfect, as soon as she felt she had someone to belong to, it would go horribly wrong. Of course she should have known that she would lose this too.

"Kara, Kara look at me." The Commander took her face gently in his hands and turned her to him. "You couldn't have known. No-one could have known. Gods I didn't and I'm his father! And besides, it's still speculation at this stage. I shouldn't have let that slip out. I'm sorry. Remember, we don't know anything for sure until Lee comes around and we interrogate that cylon in the brig. Don't do this to yourself."

Kara looked down at her ring again. It was the same plain band that Lee had always worn. The lack of available jewelers since the human race had been all but annihilated had meant Lee had been unable to buy her a proper engagement ring. So instead he had resized his own for her. The simplicity of the ring and the depth of the gesture had made it more precious to Kara than any diamond.

Slowly she took off the ring and pressed it into the Commander's palm. "You should give this back to Lee before he wakes up. He'll be wondering where he lost it." She let out a hollow laugh. "Though you'll need to think up some excuse about how come it's shrunk so much." She sighed, the guilt of feeling such sorrow when she should just be grateful that Lee was alive, was almost overwhelming. "Tell him I hope he gets better soon, and make up some excuse about why I can't go visit," she asked. "I know he'll find out soon enough about me and the cylon, but I just can't face it right now."

She had gone from pain to joy in such a short space of time. But now she felt hollow. With a sudden need, she leapt down from the cockpit and turned back to her Commander. "You're wrong about one thing though," she told him, her voice sounding hard and hollow in her ears, "I should have known."

And with that Kara turned and ran once more.


End file.
